Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
