This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
