I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
