we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
