He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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