Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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