if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
