Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
