Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
