I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
