put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
