What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
