paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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