The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
