the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
