Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
