i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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