There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
