Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
