The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
