I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
