Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
