just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You ate ashes out of my bong
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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