3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
