You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
