I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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