Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
