I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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