I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
