He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
