The maid of honor just puked.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
