What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
