I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
