Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
