I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
