oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
