i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
