just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
