He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
