I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
