Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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