great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
