Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
