What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
