The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
