there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
