And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
stop calling my apartment porn island.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
