so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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