whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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