i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
