maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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