tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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