We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
